Anticipating the Holidays

December brings a lot of holiday-related conversation into the therapy office.

It's not all happiness and excitement as you may have guessed!

People experiencing grief and loss have a lot of intense emotions, and often feel misunderstood by others as they try to survive what is supposed to be a joyful time of year, but now feels so different, with a loved one missing from the traditions.

Those who grew up in families with complicated relationships and dynamics may long to create the "perfect" holiday for their own family now, but feel quite overwhelmed and exhausted by the work involved to achieve perfect meals, fun activities and beautiful decor at home.

Parents in general (who form most of my caseload) have so much pressure on them: to make it magical for their own children, to meet the expectations of other family members, all while juggling their work, the day to day child care, shopping for gifts, attending special events at school and various social commitments.
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Over the last week, I started asking clients, who were sharing holiday -related stress, what they remember most fondly from their own childhoods. Some themes included:

• The feeling of connection that comes with slowing down and being together with no work or school.
• Special foods: cultural dishes, traditional meals, a parent or grandparent making making their signature dish.
• Time outside or doing novel activities, like the midnight mass, a family walk in the snow or playing board games for hours.
• Presents - kids do love the opening of gifts or stockings! Most confirmed they have little recollection of what they got, it was just the actual excitement and opening of gifts that they remember.

What I seemed to hear is that it was about the way they FELT, vs any actual perfection with presents, food, travel, or decorations. As we know, it's not so much about the expensive "wow" gift, or the perfect Pinterest inspired dinner table, it's about connection, warmth and love.

If you want the holidays to be magical for those you love, and yourself, come back to what FEELS warm and comforting, and perhaps let go of some obligations or expectations that cause more stress than happiness. Be kind to yourself.

If you are grieving, it's OK to hold onto some traditions and change others. More about coping with the holidays here, in a podcast episode with "The Coping Tool Box", which I shared last month, but will mention again for those who may benefit:

Upcoming workshops:

A quick update on parent support groups and workshops!

Over the month of November, a wonderful group of parents joined me weekly on Zoom to learn the basics of EFFT interventions. I loved hearing the updates from parents as the weeks went on and they tried out interventions like emotion coaching and creating behavioural change. Parents reflected how much better they felt: more aware of their own triggers and emotional reactions and proud of themselves for trying new ways to react and support their kids. It was so rewarding that I am ready to host again in January!

I will be sending an email once dates are set. My plan is to offer something specific to school age kids (around ages 4 to 12). If you are interested, feel free to reply to this email to save your spot, but details will follow soon!

Also, I am planning a free one hour Zoom workshop for parents in January, after the break. I have a few ideas and am open to votes and feedback. What would you most like to see offered? Hit reply and submit your vote!

• Helping kids adjust to change and loss
• Repairing hurts in relationships
• How to respond to anger

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May December bring you all some rest, moments of joy and healing if needed.

Sincerely,

Joanne

P.S. If you do not want to receive these emails, I understand - the unsubscribe button is below. :)