Dear community,

My hope is that this finds all of you enjoying some well deserved time for rest, play, family or whatever it may be that you need right now during the summer months.

I was back to work this week following a wonderful family vacation. I feel rejuvenated and excited about seeing my clients and building group programs for the fall. I spent a lot of time in nature, hiking with my family, which was so good for me both physically and emotionally. I have about 1000 photos but will share just one!

The timing was perfect, as June was a very emotional month in many ways for me. This experience got me thinking a lot about how we process emotions - as adults, as children and also as a family.

There was definitely excitement and happiness, as my oldest child made plans for which university he will attend in the fall and graduated from high school. I laughed and cheered watching him and his classmates cross the stage, but also shed some tears, remembering them starting kindergarten and sharing birthday cake at parties. It is so bittersweet for many parents to witness these moments of childhood ending and young adulthood beginning.

There was also sadness, as our beloved family dog died. It was a peaceful end for Daisy, but still so very hard to say goodbye. For those who have pets, you know how they capture a family’s heart and leave a lasting imprint on us. Their innocence and unconditional love means we miss them so much when they are gone.

This is my sweet Daisy. She came to us from Ottawa Dog Rescue at age 10. We were blessed with 5 years with her and all her loveable quirks!

Of course, the death of a pet is a common, expected loss, which makes it different from the many tragic losses I support families with in my practice. Yet, for families who have experienced grief due to the death of a spouse, parent or a child, a loss of a pet, or another change in their life, can stir up grief and be felt even more intensely. There is an accumulation of grief that makes it very challenging to cope with. Also, pets bring such deep comfort to so many humans coping with trauma and grief. Losing them is often losing a key coping strategy.

So, amid change, loss, life transitions … what do we do with all these emotions? What exactly does it mean to ‘process” or “express” feelings?

I will share a few reflections and tips that I have learned over the years helping my clients with this part of life we all face in different ways.
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• Emotions are physically felt, so try and notice how your body is reacting. Do you have tension in your back and shoulders? This could be stress at play. Do you notice your throat feels constricted or tight? This is often related to sadness. Name the physical experience and remind yourself that our emotions are physically felt in our bodies.
• Also note the emotions. Acknowledge them with self-compassion. In the example around a graduation day, you might say to yourself, “I am feeling both excited and proud for my kid, but also sad. It’s OK to have all these feelings at a time like this.” Be gentle with yourself.
• Try to reduce stress and increase self-care. Let go of some of your to-do list, take a day off work if possible and set boundaries if needed with others. This is the time to make yourself a priority.
• Consider your emotions to be like waves - they wash over us, and eventually subside. Let yourself feel them, without trying to push them away, but also not hanging onto them forever.
• Set aside time to honour your emotions. If you are intentional about allowing those emotions to wash over you, at a time and in a space that feels safe to you, you may notice that you feel more grounded later.
• Movement is great for physically and emotionally processing those feelings. Go for a walk, bike ride, do yoga or stretching. Choose whatever movement feels good to you and allows you to release some of the emotion.

There is so much more we could say about this topic. Let me know if you have comments or questions I could respond to in another newsletter.

Resources I would love to share with you …

First of all, this podcast episode from a few years ago provides a wonderful explanation of how emotions work, with a section of excellent recommendations about exactly how we can process them. The interview is with the authors of an excellent book called “Burnout”.

​https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagoski-on-burnout-and-how-to-complete-the-stress-cycle/​

I also have referred so many times to the free downloads for meditations around self-compassion on Kristen Neff’s excellent website. Try the 5 minute self compassion break for an introduction or reminder about self-compassion. Apps such as Calm and Insight Timer also provide self compassion meditation practices.

​https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations​

Also, whether for yourself or your child, I have found the many “feelings wheel” images online to be a great resource for anyone trying to find the words to express their emotions, or even understand how different emotions are connected. Here is a link:

​https://feelingswheel.com​

And finally, since I was sharing my experience with pet loss, I would love to share a wonderful way to honour your furry friend, or celebrate them while they are still alive! I chose a favourite photo of her and had it made into a digital painting. It is now framed and on display as a way to remember her. Memory making is a way to actively mourn our losses and having reminders of her around the home really helps our family.

The website we ordered her portrait from:

​https://paintmypooch.ca​

Thanks for reading and please don’t hesitate to connect with me if you have any comments, questions or requests!

Joanne

P.S. I am posting about parenting, grief and family mental health related topics on Instagram and would welcome you to check it out!

​https://www.instagram.com/doucettetherapy/​

6 Gurdwara Road, Suite 102, Ottawa, ON K2E 8A3
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