Why so much parent self-blame?

Last week I attended some training in EFFT (Emotionally Focused Family Therapy), the therapeutic approach that most guides my practice supporting parents and kids.

The focus of this workshop was around reducing parental self-blame when parents are caring for a loved one who is dealing with mental health challenges. We discussed how this trickles down from the many messages in our society that directly or indirectly blame parents. I have been reflecting on it ever since.

Why is it that in our society, we are so quick to make assumptions about how a child's struggle is due to the parenting?

First of all, it's become part of our culture. As a society, we put an enormous burden on parents to be responsible for all aspects of a child's behaviour, emotion regulation, mental health and overall success at fitting in to systems they are part of, like educational or health related.

When children struggle within those systems, due to their unique needs, the focus often is put on examining the role of the family, instead of addressing the problems in the system.

That narrative is very harmful. It disempowers parents and often fuels shame that makes it even harder for them to cope and support their child.

I believe it's often an easy way out. If we consider the bigger issues at play, it would involve our society actually doing the very hard work to deal with many shortcoming and inequities. We would have to address:

• How our education system is not adequate for the evolving needs and complex struggles faced by so many youth, especially post pandemic.
• How our current economic situation leaves so many families under tremendous stress just to meet the basic needs of their children.
• How intergenerational trauma created additional vulnerabilities and is often perpetuated by the systems we are dealing with.
• How our mental heath system has major gaps, long waits and leaves many families without the help they need, until the issues become more urgent.

I don't know all the answers, but I do know that I want to be part of truly supporting and empowering parents in the ways I know can make a difference.

On February 1st, I start a new cycle of the "EFFT Parent Support Group: Empowering Parents and Reducing Caregiver Stress".

This runs over lunchtime, once a week, for 6 weeks. It will provide a strong grounding in the three main therapeutic techniques that are part of EFFT, which is evidence-based and research-backed. It starts in less than two weeks, so it gets you the support you need without the long wait for individual therapy!

Throughout the group, we address parents's own emotional blocks, fears and struggles, to help them feel more emotionally grounded themselves when faced with their parenting challenges.

If you are ready to receive support and learn new therapeutic skills in a small group setting that is all about empowering parents and respecting your unique expertise about your child, this may be the right place for you. Check out the link below for the details and don't hesitate to reply directly to this email to request more info or to let me know you would like to register.

*Registration ends in one week*

Group Info here!

As always, I am open to comments and questions!

Also, welcome to the many new subscribers and a big thank you for being here!

Sincerely,

Joanne